I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
