The best revenge is premature balding
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
