I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
