He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
