a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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