dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
