I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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