Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
