i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
