my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
