I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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