So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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