Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
