Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
