The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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