my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
