Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i've created a new STD.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
