Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
