does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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