I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
