i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
