So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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