That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
