I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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