What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
