a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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