saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
