i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
