your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
