We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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