I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize