watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
