YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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