How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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