its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
