i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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