I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize