I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
