My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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