You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
