Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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