i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
