Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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