Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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