epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
