My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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