Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
