cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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