Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm having to shit out rocks
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
