You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
