Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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