Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
