ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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