I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
he laminated a picture of his dick.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
