Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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