Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
