You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I wear drunk well.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
