You're so nebulous sometimes
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
