At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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