apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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