so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
