Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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