On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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