Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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