i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
