I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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