so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
