remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He passed out mid-signature
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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