I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
