Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
