even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize