Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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