Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize