walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
