i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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