what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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