So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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