hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
