you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
