I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
What a dumb baby whore.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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