theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
