I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
