You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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