In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
