My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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