Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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