Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
