Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
