Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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