the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
