I want to make a zoo with you.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
